“Aussie, you’re going to be 9 next month. You’re growing older.”

“9 is the new 7.”

“I’ve heard things like that before, Auss. 70 is the new 50. 80 is the new 65. 100 is—I don’t know what 100 is. I wonder why people say those things. Our younger age wasn’t always a happy one. I had unhappy childhood and teen years. How were your younger years, Aussie, before you were brought up here in a truck with a few other dogs?”

“I had a blast as a pup in Texas. Hee-haw!”

“Is that why they found you as a stray 80 miles north of Houston? Is that why nobody called the local shelter to see if they found you? Is that why you’re afraid of men to this very day?”

“Leave me alone. Let me live in the past.”

“Why, Auss? Is the present not good enough?”

“It’s okay, but I prefer to live in the Land of Nostalgia.”

“Ah yes, the Land of Nostalgia! More beautiful than the present any day. You know, Aussie, I had lunch today with a wonderful old friend from Santa Barbara—”

“Santa Barbara! The Land of Nostalgia. Why didn’t anyone from Santa Barbara adopt me?”

“—and you know what she said? That now, when you’re old, is the time to finally love yourself.”

“First, I’m not old. Second, I love myself.”

“Are you sure, Aussie?”

“I have the most beautiful, shiny double-layer of black and brown hairs. One reason why I left Texas is that they wanted to turn me into a fur coat.”

“Aussie, you have some white whiskers below your mouth.”

“Do not. And who cares? Everybody thinks I’m pretty. Don’t you and Leeann whistle when you see me?”

“Only when we want you to come. The truth is, Aussie, you’re no longer as young and beautiful as you once were. You’re no longer at the top of your game.”

“Henry adored me, before the coyotes got him.”

“Did you try to rescue him, Aussie?”

“Of course not, I’m 9 years old. How was I supposed to go against at least four coyotes? You certainly took your time getting there.”

“I’m not criticizing you, Auss, just pointing out that neither of us is as strong and fast as we once were.”

“Hey, who stands up to all you Yankee Libs to defend my President? Who was there on January 6?”

“Aussie, that was more than 5 years ago.”

“Who dug a tunnel from our back yard to the Capitol!”

“Aussie, you can’t do those kinds of things anymore, don’t you see?”

“But if I can’t, who’ll care about me? Nobody. Who will like me with those white hairs under my mouth and—don’t tell anybody—my eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I’m done! I’m finished! Nobody will ever love me again!”

“Aussie, this is what my friend was referring to. It’s exactly when we can’t do what we used to do, can’t run like we used to, can’t hunt like we once did—”

“I almost got a rabbit this morning!”

“—don’t look the way we once did, can’t roll on the ground and do tricks like we used to—”

“Tricks! Ughhh!”

“—that’s when we need to love ourselves.”

“Because nobody else will love us?”

“I will always love you, Aussie, I think—”

“You think! Will you love me if I get incontinent and start pooping in the house?”

“The point is, Aussie, before we often got confused about what it is to love our own self. We loved our self because it was cute, because it was doing a lot, because it was taking care of others—”

“Because it guarded the house!”

“—so it’s easy to stop loving that self when it can’t do all those things. Now is the time to love ourselves as we are, Auss, not for what we do, not for how we look, and not for doing important jobs. Because we’re alive! Because there’s no one like us.”

“I don’t want two of you, one’s enough. But I can’t love myself, I’m a Zen practitioner.”

“What?”

“Everybody knows that when you’re a Zen practitioner, the self is your enemy!”

“Every time I hear the words everybody knows, a big red light starts flashing in my head, Aussie. Nobody says to hate anything.”

“The self is my enemy! The self stands in the way of an enlightened Aussie.”

“Nothing stands in the way of an enlightened Aussie, Aussie, certainly not love, certainly not self-love. Attachment to the self is the barrier to realizing the One Body, not the self itself, see? “

“Does that mean that if I love myself, I’m still part of the One Body?”

“You yourself are the One Body, Aussie, and that includes the self. In fact, Aussie, try to strip away all the things—”

“I’m too old to strip.”

“—you thought were so valuable in life and now look at yourself closely, intimately. It’s just you now, Auss, naked and bare, almost like a puppy.”

“I was such a cute puppy!”

“Can you love this aging, slowed-down Aussie who couldn’t catch a rabbit this morning?”

“No.”

“You know what, Auss? In September, Zen Peacemakers is going to host a monthly meeting of folks who want to talk about the beautiful challenges of growing old, and loving the self will be a big part of it. Everyone is welcome, including you. Whaddya say?”

“Can’t right now.”

“Why not?”

“I’m going into intensive training at the Murderize Bugs Bunny camp in the next town over. I’m staying young if it kills me!”