“Aussie, do you think we could ask Donald Trump to buy me a new pair of boots? These old ones are so worn and torn inside that they make my feet crooked. The jeans fall right over them and I can’t tie the laces anymore. I hear he’s been buying good shoes for his cabinet folks and advisers, and I could use a good pair.”

“Ha ha ha. Like everybody else, you need favors from the Man. I’m calling him right away. I’ll tell him you’re a guy because he only buys shoes for men.”

“They have to be size 7-1/2.”

“Are you kidding? They have to be at least a size 11.”

“Don’t be silly, Aussie, I can’t walk in size 11 boots. Did you see photos of Marco Rubio in the shoes Trump bought for him, with inches to spare?”

“At least Marco can breathe in them. Don’t you like shoes that breathe? You’ll just have to grow into size 11 boots.”

“Auss, at 76 I’m shrinking rather than growing. What are the odds that as my body gets more compact my feet expand by 3-1/2 sizes?”

“That’s how you become big, don’t you see? In order to fill big shoes, you have to grow bigger. What a wonderful incentive for Little Marco, who could use a little uplift. Don’t you want to feel uplifted?”

“No.”

“How are you going to fill big shoes if you don’t become bigger?”

“Aussie, I just want to fit into my size clothes and my size shoes and my size body. I want to fit me.”

“Fit you? Don’t you have any more ambition than that? Don’t you care about growing, improving, increasing, enlarging? How are you going to do anything for the world wearing size 7-1/2 shoes?”

“I’ll do what I’ve always done, Aussie.”

“But think what you could do if you wore size 11!”

“Slip, slide, fall, stumble. I’m also slimmer than Donald Trump, Aussie. Do I need to weigh 215 pounds like him?”

“[Sigh] Think of all those Big Macs!”

“Aussie, I think we could do a lot just as we are.”

“Silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Don’t you go to school to get smarter? Don’t you read books to know more? Don’t you talk to more people all the time? We’re always doing more and more, so why not make more room for your feet? For one thing, you’ll cover more ground.”

“I won’t be able to walk, Auss. And even if I could, I don’t want to cover more ground. I’ve had it with more and bigger. If anything, I’m discovering how much there is in less and smaller.”

“If that’s the case, maybe I should ask the Man to buy you new boots size 5. It’ll be Post No. 133 tonight on Truth Social: This dog got a pygmy for a human hee hee! I will be so ashamed.”