“Aussie, what do you think about our getting another state? A 51^st state!”

“Israel?”

“No, silly. Canada. We haven’t added another state since the 1950s, when Hawaii joined.”

“I don’t know why we bothered. None of them look like me. And don’t even think of Puerto Rico. Now, Oh Canada is something else. I don’t mind annexing Oh Canada; they’re so similar to us, we’ll get along instantly.”

“Aussie. more than half their population speaks a first language that is not English.”

“Then forget it. The Great Man just signed a new executive presidential order adding an 11^th commandment.”

“What is it, Auss?”

“Thou shalt not diverse. He and Melania are turning Catholic. Aren’t Canadians the ones with free medical care?”

“Yup.”

“They’re going to have to leave that behind if they want to join our great country. And—don’t tell me—they have free education, right?”

“Not for college, Auss—”

“Whew, glad to hear it.”

“—but their college tuition is way less than here.”

“Probably because they haven’t invested in critical infrastructure like mile-long indoor football fields and basketball arenas. Think of all the corporate names they’ve missed out on! And then they have that stupid flag.”

“The Maple Leaf?”

“Maple leaves are for peeing, not saluting.”

“They have great hockey, Aussie.”

“I tasted a hockey puck once, nothing to write home about. They’re going to have to leave all that baggage behind if they want to join us.”

“That’s the thing, Aussie, they don’t want to join us. Any application to join would have to pass through our Congress and then—”

“Sorry, Congress is not in session.”

“Vacation?”

“No, they’re in South Dakota carving the Man’s face on Mt. Rushmore, Musk flew them out there on Spirit Airlines, economy, naturally.”

“Aussie, Mt. Rushmore is on land belonging to Native Americans by treaty.”

“Musk bought it.”

“He bought Mt. Rushmore?”

“No, South Dakota. And don’t worry about Oh Canada, all the Man has to do is sign an executive presidential order that Oh Canada is now the 51^st state, and voila! Excuse the French.”

“Aussie, I don’t think the Canadians will buy that.”

“By the time the Man is done with the tariffs, they won’t be able to buy anything. And they’ll have to drop the Oh and be just Canada. We can’t have one of our states’ names start with Oh.”

“That’s their national anthem, Auss. Besides, what about Ohio?”

“That’s just plain friendly. Oh, hi, yo.”

“I think it’s a Native name, Aussie.”

“Stop with the Native this and Native that. Always remember: Though shalt not diverse!”

“Aussie, are you telling me that Trump really added another commandment to the Ten Commandments?”

“He and Musk had a to-do about that. Musk said that was over-regulation, but he’s ready to compromise.”

“Compromise how, Auss?”

“Take out that thing about working only six days and resting on the seventh. Also, about making graven images, which is unnecessary since everything is digital nowadays. DOGE is now looking at how to consolidate the others. It’s time to make God more efficient, too.”