“Aussie, what did you think of the State of the Union Address?”

“WE’RE GREAT. WE’RE FIXING EVERYTHING. WE ARE RICH, HAPPY, AND TANNED, WE PLAY A MEAN GAME OF GOLF, AND WE WILL LIVE FOREVER.”

“Not so, Auss.”

“WE’RE GETTING MORE DONE IN ONE DAY THAN YOU HAVE IN FOUR YEARS.”

“If spreading mayhem is doing things.”

“WE’RE KICKING ASS, SOLVING WARS, AND CREATING A NEW WORLD ORDER. YOU’RE SCHLEMIELS.”

“Aussie, since when do you speak Yiddish?”

“I KVELLED DURING THE MAN’S STATE OF THE UNION. I HAD NACHES!”

“How could you listen to that insanity, Aussie? It was embarrassing.”

“THE TCHOTCHKES YOU DEMS WERE HOLDING UP WERE PITIFUL. YOUR SIGNS WERE A SHANDEH. EVEN THE ILLEGAL PUTZ COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT.”

“You learned Yiddish to insult us, Aussie?”

“Is Yiddish good for something else? YOU DEMS ARE ALWAYS KVETCHING ABOUT SOMETHING.”

“Aussie, he’s an arrogant, ignorant man.”

“AND YOU’RE A MAKHASHEYFE.”

“A witch? You, my dog Aussie, whom I got out of the local pound, are calling me a witch?”

“AN ALTER KHAKER!”

“So now I’m an old fart?”

“YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I COME FROM TEXAS I’M IGNORANT? I CAN’T BE A YIDDISH MAVEN? WHAT DREK! NO WONDER YOU DEMS LOST.”

“No, Aussie, I think we lost because we forgot our roots. We forgot about the working class, about the lack of housing and—”

“YOU LOST BECAUSE YOU’RE SCHTUNKS.”

“Aussie, we’ve won many elections.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE GONIFFS. YOU GUYS HAVE STOLEN EVERY ELECTION YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON. MOMZERS!”

“Are you aware, you ignorant animal, that momzer originally referred to someone who’s illegitimate? Your prejudice knows no bounds.”

“YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE FOUR LEGS I’M A BEHEYME?”

“We’re all animals, Aussie, humans, too.”

“STOP BEING SUCH A SHOWOFF, A KHAZER.”

“Now you’re calling me a pig?”

“SCHMEGGEGE!”

“Aussie, this is a respectable blog. There’s no room for such names.”

“KHOLEYRES!”

“Cholera? Me? The woman who feeds you, shelters you, walks you in a terrible winter, gives out marrow bones every weekend?”

“BUPKES, IS WHAT YOU’VE DONE FOR ME. BUPKES!”

“Aussie, I thought we were a family. I knew we were different, I knew we had disagreements, but it’s all one thing, Aussie. How many times have I told you that we’re all One Body regardless of how we vote or what we believe, haven’t you heard me tell you that many, many times?”

“OH, SHADDAP.”