MEMORIAL DAY

“Look at this ad for a Memorial Day sale in the newspaper, Aussie: I Feel Naked Without This $70 Multi-Tool.

“You, naked? Quick, get whatever they’re selling.”

“It’s not saying I’ll be naked, Aussie, just that I’ll feel naked unless I rush to the store.”

“I feel naked without Chicken and Wild Rice with Gravy. Quick, we gotta get it, or I’ll strip!”

“Aussie, you’re always naked, except for your fur.”

“Not true, I keep my collar on with my name and phone number on it, in case I forget who I am. Too much Zen around.”

“Aussie, it’s my phone number, and the collar is not for you, it’s for someone to read in case you get lost.”

“But I’ll really feel naked if I take it off, which I’ll do unless I get Classic Meat Loaf With Cheese Treats. You don’t want that to happen, do you?”

“Oh Aussie, the point is: Why has Memorial Day, a federal holiday honoring soldiers who were killed in our many wars, become a day for buying things? Buy, buy, buy.”

“Eat, eat, eat.”

“In your case, as a dog, I can understand it. You don’t seem to have a sense of when enough is enough, so you eat and eat without stop. But many humans also don’t know when enough is enough.”

Enough is not in my lexicon. You know what is? Packed full. Gorged. Stuffed!”

“I get it.”

Filled to the gills. Bowl runneth over!”

“I get it, I get it, Aussie.”

“Otherwise, just look at me. Bedraggled and emaciated. I look like a junkyard dog. My hair’s falling out!”

“That’s your winter coat, Aussie. Do you want to try Ozempic?”

“Is that Ozempic Moose Filets White Meat Only?”

“No, Aussie, it’s Ozempic the medication humans take to lose weight.”

“Who wants to lose weight?”

“It helps restrain your appetite for too much food.”

“Too much food? No such thing.”

“That’s my point, Aussie. We don’t know when enough is enough, when we cross the border from enough into too much.”

“You’re becoming more like dogs, which is a good sign. Don’t forget, you never know when famine will hit. Always be prepared, that’s my motto! Life is looking to ambush you at every turn. Pass the hamburgers.”

“No hamburgers.”

“It’s Memorial Day. Barbecue Day!”

“It’s also pouring outside, Auss. And people forget that this is really a day of mourning, when you visit the graves of soldiers who were killed in wars.”

“You know how I mourn?”

“How, Aussie?”

“I eat. You know how I go through loss?”

“How, Aussie?”

“I eat. You know what I do when I want to be compassionate to all beings?”

“You eat?”

“Bingo. If I’m sad because I had no walks today, if I’m glad because the Illegal Chihuahua slipped and fell into Fiske Pond yesterday and almost drowned, if I’m scared of the bears coming into the yard, if I’m disappointed because you didn’t take me food shopping with you, you know what I do?”

“You eat. Aussie, do you think that food is the answer to everything?”

“Ask me a question.”

“What’s the meaning of life?”

“Food.”

“What happens when you die?”

“If you were good, you go to Filet Mignon Heaven.”

“If you were bad?”

“Hill’s Science Diet Kibble.”

“How do I find love?”

“Eat.”

“Happiness?”

“Eat.”

“Aussie, this approach may not be healthy for anyone.”

“Worst that could happen, you’ll be sick as a dog.”

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