TAYLOR SWIFT IS A DOG

You whistle, and I come running!

You say Come! and I come.

And when I get there, you give nothing,

Only treats that are like crumbs.

I’m not falling for that no more,

I’m not your bitch or dog.

I’m just as good, if not better,

And you’re nothing but a—

What rhymes with dog?”

“Blog.”

“I can’t sing And you’re nothing but a blog.”

“Aussie, what are you doing?”

“I’m singing a song.”

“You call that a song?”

“We need an alternative to Taylor Swift right away, like fast!”

“You mean, you, Aussie? An alternative to Taylor Swift?”

“And why not? Because I’m black?”

“Because you’re a dog, Aussie.”

“And how do you know Taylor Swift isn’t really a dog?”

“Because she’s a female singer who’s wildly successful. A human.”

“You call that proof?”

“Aussie, do you know how many Grammys Taylor Swift has won?”

“She’s an AI-generated robot who will make a BIG announcement at the end of the Super Bowl on Sunday, mark my words.”

“You want me to pee on your words?”

“I just know that when her boyfriend and his team win, they’ll both stand and tell everybody to vote for Joe Bidet.”

“And if her boyfriend’s team loses?”

“They won’t lose. Their opponents will lose on purpose, they’re from San Francisco, everybody knows who they support—assuming they even exist, which I don’t believe. Taylor Swift doesn’t really exist. Her boyfriend probably doesn’t exist, either. In fact, I think both teams are entirely AI-generated, all aimed against the Great Man.”

“That’s some conspiracy, Aussie.”

“It certainly is. The umpires are in cahoots, too. The judging will go for the Chiefs every single time.”

“The entire National Football League is not real?”

“You thought the turf is the only thing that’s artificial? Ha!”

“And you’re the alternative, Aussie?”

“Sure. How hard do you think it is, beating out an AI-generated bot? I mean, she and Kelce are so generic.”

“And you, Aussie?”

“I’m wild, original, and unpredictable. I even ran away from Leeann today, didn’t come back for an hour.”

“I know, I had to go to go pick you up twice because you weren’t there the first time.”

“No way AI can generate me. Of course, I’ll support Donald Trump in 2024, 2028, 2032, 2036—”

“If you’re still rooting for Donald in 2036, you’ll definitely be AI-generated. Aussie, do you really think that the Super Bowl, this country’s biggest sport event, drawing more television viewers than anything else, is a hoax?”

“Let’s face it, the reason folks really tune in is for the commercials. Aren’t those hoaxes to make you buy things?”

“Aussie, what you’re saying is just not real.”

“Hah! A Zen person telling me what’s real! Aren’t you the ones who say everything is a delusion? Well, Taylor Swift and the big romance are one big delusion. In fact, that should be my next song:

Taylor is a delusion,

Travis Kelce too.

They’re an AI fusion

Designed to make you vote for you-know-who.

This one will go platinum, just watch.”

“Aussie, do you think I’m also not real, generated by AI? After all, I’ll probably support Joe Biden.”

“Mr. Vanilla!”

“I’m white, middle class, older, as generic as could be. Is AI my daddy and mommy, too?”

“Based on the kibble you give me twice a day, absolutely.”

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