“Oh boy, Aussie, I just got my weekly marrow bone, and so did you. But it’s Tuesday morning!”


“We always get our marrow bones on Sunday morning.”

“She was on retreat, Chihuahua, didn’t you notice? Couldn’t give us our bones on Sunday.”

“I don’t like this, Aussie. I’m a traditionalist.”

“No problem, just leave your bone on the rug on your way out. And why are you so neurotic all of a sudden?”

“Maybe I should go on retreat, Aussie.”

“Nothing will help a Chihuahua. But it does good things for her, and therefore for us. For instance, she’s not as neurotic as she usually is.”

“Wow. A Zen retreat could make that much difference, Aussie?”

“Let me enumerate the ways, Henry. She’s not checking her watch, computer, or phone all the time. She doesn’t get impatient, like she always does, say, when you scratch at the car window demanding she roll it down all the way, like you usually do.”

“You think she’ll ever open the window for me completely, Aussie?”

“Not as long as she thinks you’re dumb enough to jump out. And remember when we arrived at the conservancy for a walk, she let us out, and there was shooting from the shooting range? Usually she’d say: Come on, don’t be so afraid, let’s go! This time she just turned around and took us to the Farm for our walk. No scolding, no Jewish guilt. That’s when you know she’s been on retreat.”

“And what about all these treats?”

“After doing a retreat she’s always more generous. You notice how many treats she gives us whenever we ask for them, instead of saying Enough already! Go run! She’s so much more relaxed, more Bohemian-like, if you know what I mean: If we can’t go this way, we’ll go that way. If we can’t do this, we’ll do that. It’s all okay.”

“You mean, she becomes a zombie, Aussie?”

“It’s true, some of this let it go stuff makes Buddhists sound like zombies, Henry.”


“New Age.”

“Weirdo leftists.”

“Still, it’s nice to have her after a retreat. She’s quieter, pays more attention to me, more affectionate. She gave me a nice piece of chicken when she came home. The whole house feels calmer, Henry, don’t you notice?”

“Sure do. How long will this last, Aussie?”

“About 3 hours.”

“Only three hours?”

“You got a better deal?”

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