“Grrrr. Grrrr. Grrrr!”

“Grrr all you want, Aussie, I’m not taking off that muzzle.”

“Grrr! Grrr! Grrrr!”

“It’s either that or a gag order, but I think that in your case, Aussie, a muzzle works better.”

“Grrrr! Grrrr! Grrrr!”

“I’ll take it off on one condition, Auss. No talk about the arraignment of Donald Trump. Promise?”

“F#**+**# son of a b***%%!”

“Aussie, you promised!”

“In cases of grave misjustice and all-around bullshit, promises don’t mean shit. What promise would you make Adolf Hitler?”

“Are you comparing me to Adolf Hitler, Aussie?”

“No, but that f***ing DA has his moustache.”

“Alvin Bragg’s moustache does not resemble Hitler’s moustache at all, Auss.”

“Would you trust a lawyer whose last name is Bragg and not Schwartz?”

“I don’t trust anybody or anything here, Aussie, and especially not the media.”

“Of course, you can’t trust the media, the Man’s been saying that all the time.”

“I don’t want to hear one more word about it, Aussie. The world has so much more to consider than Donald Trump’s hush payments to a porn star. Ukraine is burning. Somalia is starving. France’s retirement page is zooming up to 64, Rupert Murdoch just canceled his 5^th wedding, and we have to talk about Donald Trump?”

“He’s never had a lucky break in his life! He’s been maligned, mocked, persecuted, and cheated of another term in office. Could you write him a check for his legal fees? He needs money badly.”

“I’m not giving him a penny, Aussie.”

“Don’t you tithe?”

“Aussie, I don’t want to talk about Donald Trump going to trial. It’s a media circus, is what it is.”

“I love circuses!”

“I especially get angry at newspapers like The New York Times and The Washington Post. They write articles about how so much of this is media hyperbole, but they’re no different from all the rest, like a band of hypocritical hyenas laughing all the way to the bank.”

“What’s so funny about going to the bank?”

“Aussie, nobody in this house is going to pay the slightest bit of attention to Trump’s arraignment and trial, including you. They want our attention and they’re not getting it.”

“Is she crunchy?”

“Who?”

“Stormy Daniels.”

“Why should Stormy Daniels be crunchy, Aussie?”

“Because she’s a corn star.”

“Porn, Aussie, not corn.”

“What’s porn?”

“Porn is when you do something to turn somebody on to make money.”

“And that’s bad?”

“I don’t think it’s bad. I don’t even care that he paid her off, it’s how he did it, Auss. That’s what they’re going to determine in trial.”

“He probably paid her off with Pup-peroni Beef Flavor Liver Treats.”

“I doubt it, Aussie.”

“Organic Yummy Turkey Tendons? Munchy Pork Chomps? I know, I know. Dingo Munchy Stix. Even I would shut up for Dingo Munchy Stix.”

“It wasn’t Dingo Munchy Stix, Auss.”

“So what did he give her?”

“Money, Aussie.”

“Money? She shut up for money? Pourquoi?”

“How should I know, Auss?”

“She must have been really hungry to settle for money. Money doesn’t have much protein, you know.”

“That’s not the point, Aussie. The question is, how he accounted for the money he used to pay her off.”

“You could order Dingo Munchy Stix on Amazon, get it in two days, and no one’s the wiser.”

“Aussie, I’m sick and tired of all the sleaze, including our sleazy media. I’m putting a gag order on you and Henry. No talking, barking, growling, or any expression at all, pro or con, about Donald Trump. I’m blocking all the articles about this. I don’t want them to make a penny out of us, see? Where are you going, Aussie?”

“Down to New York. I love a good stink, as you well know.”

“Just don’t roll in it, Aussie. It’s getting harder and harder to get the smell out.”