“Aussie, this is your first long trip in the three years since you’ve lived with me and here you are, in Maryland. What a big traveler!”

“I hate every minute of it.”

“What’s there to hate?”

“I hate being in the car for so long.”

“I split the trip into two, Aussie. We drove Sunday evening down to New York and saw Genro Gauntt.”

“I LOVE Genro!”

“I thought you didn’t like men, Aussie.”

“I LOVE Genro to death.”

“We drove down to Maryland the next day.”

“I wish we stayed with Genro.”

“I made a long stop  on the way, you had plenty of water, exercise, and treats.”

“You should have left me in New York. All that highway noise made me deaf!”

“I shut the windows for that reason, Auss, but then it got too warm.”

“You know you’re on the wrong path when no matter what you choose, it’s always wrong!”

“But we got here yesterday afternoon and it’s been great, Aussie.”

“Great? It’s busy, nonstop! You know how hard I’m working?”

“How hard you’re working, Auss? Are you cooking?”

“Never. I lie on the floor right between your legs to trip you up whenever there’s cooking, just to remind you. Always eat raw!”

“Are you doing loads of laundry?”

“What’s laundry?”

“Are you washing lots and lots of dishes?”

“Aussie says: If you can’t lick it, screw it.”

“Do you clean up after yourself?”

“Excuse me, everything coming out of me is organic.”

“Do you play with a young boy, take him shopping, read books and give him lots of love?”

“I only love Genro.”

“So why are you working so hard, Aussie?”

“You know how much commuting I do? I start out on the bed in the basement. Then I go upstairs to use the sofa in the living room. Then I go up another flight of stairs to lie on the office rug or on any of the beds upstairs.  I’m on the road all the time! ”

“Aussie, I meant to tell you, you’re not supposed to go up on the beds here. It’s fine back home, but it’s better if you don’t do that here.”

“Oh oh, as soon as we get down south ugly racism rears  its head.”

“Aussie, it’s got nothing to do with your being black or our being in Maryland, it’s the hairs you leave on the bed.”

“They’re racists here. Have you seen all the dogs parading up and down the streets? Do you notice who’s missing?”

“Who’s missing, Aussie?”

“Henry’s missing, that’s who. Have you seen one chihuahua in the two days we’ve been here?”

“Come to think of it, no. But Aussie, I thought you didn’t like chihuahuas.”

“I don’t, but there’s one thing worse than chihuahuas.”

“What’s that, Auss?”

“Having nothing to complain about. Life isn’t life with nothing to complain about.”

“You’ll get back to New England by the end of the weekend, Auss. That way you could go right back to your bitching and moaning.”

“Could we pick up Genro on the way?”

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