SEEKING CANINE COMPANION

WANTED:       Companion, Canine

BY:                   Aussie, Canine

I AM:   13-months old, from Texas, no idea why they named me after Australia. Have had bad experiences in the past with human males, getting over it. Canine males no problem. Good jumper, know how to reach for food on kitchen counter and dining table. Teeth in great condition; I grind them on furniture.

MY WORK EXPERIENCE:

Postmodern deconstructionist of sandals, shoes, slippers, with special skills at tearing up straps, buckles, and soles. Hoping to move on to boots very soon.

Interior design—leave above in highly original configurations on rugs and floors.

Landscape design—ditto for outdoors, using bones, chewed up twigs and branches, and whatever I can steal from blue recycling bins.

Designer of Miniature Golf Courses–Dig lots of holes in the ground.

YOU ARE: A role model {Eve says I need a role model!), 2 and older, more settled, a little more experience.

REQUIREMENT: Must love to run.

PREFERRED: Loves to get wet, too! Over 30 pounds so you could get through the dog door (they had giants here once!). Does not spook easily (the back is haunted by a dead canine called Stanley)

RELEVANT PACK MEMBERS:

HUMANS:

The Man. Caterer. Gives food scraps on plates, bowls, and cups. Calm, peaceful, but abusive since he gives Zen interviews in bed, must report this. Master of Leave It!

The Woman. Gets up when it’s still dark and just sits there. Sit! Stay! Come! Incompetent teacher, means well. Excellent chauffeur. Chases after me when I run around the house with her clothes in my mouth. Excessive emotions though past menopause. Talks too much.

OTHER:

Canine Spook called Stanley. Usually haunts the back yard but may surprise you indoors. Was patriarch of the pack when he was living, can’t do that now. Resents being dead. Calls me Awesome but always tells me what to do, tells me I’m silly and ignorant. Traditional male.

Don’t need photo, just someone to keep up. Interviews at Montague Conservancy every Monday at 11.