A REASON NOT TO GET MARRIED

“This doesn’t look like our regular path into the woods.”

“Same path, Stanley, only a couple got married down in the Farm so they put up these lanterns for the people camping in the woods.”

“What happens when you get married?”

“Well, you usually live together.”

“Are we married?”

“No, Stan, we’re not married. You also love each other.”

“So aren’t we married?”

“No Stan, we’re not married. Sometimes you argue.”

“We sure do that. So aren’t we married?”

“No, Stan, we’re not married. And then you love each other again.”

“So aren’t we—”

“Stanley, we’re not married. You also usually eat together.”

“Well then, of course we’re married. I never let you eat alone.”

“Stanley, we’re not married!”

“How come?”

“For one thing, Stanley, you’re too old for me.”

“So?”

“Some big animal is still eating up our flowers and I don’t see you doing anything about that.”

“Maybe it’s a caterpillar, and with my cataracts I can’t see caterpillars.”

“Stanley, see where the ferns are leveled over there? Obviously some big animal did that, not a caterpillar. It practically made a path with the sign This Way to Day Lilies.”

“So you won’t marry me?”

“Stanley, you’re no good for anything anymore: can’t guard the house, can’t hear knocking on the door.”

“So?”

“That’s the trouble with you old guys, you’re always thinking there’s a much younger woman ready to marry you and take care of you. Not to mention, Stanley, that you’re a dog.”

“Is that a reason not to get married?”