ZEN DOGS DON’T LOVE!

“Do not dig here.”

“Who’s that?”

That, as you call it, is moi. Stanley.”

“Wow, Stanley! I’m Aussie. Eve told me all about you.”

“She did? I knew she wouldn’t forget her Zen dog. She must miss me terribly. What did she say?”

“She said that in case I hear from you, I should just ignore you because you’re dead.”

“Rrrrrrrr.”

“What’s a Zen dog, Stanley?”

“A Zen dog, Aussie, knows that he is everything and behaves accordingly.”

“That’s true for females, too, right, Stanley? Because I’m a Zen dog. I love everything.”

“Who said anything about love? Zen dogs don’t love!”

“I LOVE the grass! I LOVE the trees! I LOVE the forest!.I LOVE my walks!”

“Give me a break!”

“I LOVE my bones!”

Your bones, Aussie?? The ones I worked so hard to bury deep in the ground so that nobody, but nobody, should ever find them?”

“The very ones! I LOVE your bones! I LOVE my food! I LOVE Eve!”

“I HATE the voice of relentless love. What about the Man, Aussie?”

“I don’t love him.”

“How can you not love the Man?”

“I don’t like men, Stanley.”

“I’m so glad to hear it, Auss. Loving everything is definitely not Zen.”

“So what is it, Stanley?”

“It’s New Age, that’s what it is. And that’s what you are, Aussie, you’re a New Age dog.”

“I think I’m just young.”

“I didn’t talk like that when I was young, Aussie.”

“You didn’t, Stanley? What did you say when you were young?”

“Just one thing: I’m outta here. It’s an expression we have. So Eve got herself a New Age dog instead of a Zen dog. Poor girl, happens all the time.”

“What’s the difference between a Zen dog and a New Age dog, Stanley?”

“Eve said she asked the Man that question a long, long time ago, even before I was born, and he said that if everything is all about you, it’s New Age. If it’s about all sentient beings, it’s Zen.”

“What’s sentient beings, Stanley?”

“Hell if I know, Aussie.”