STANLEY’S FAVORITE FLOWERS

“Look, Stanley, the first tiny crocuses of spring!”

“Oh good, something to pee on. Finally!”

“They’re so brave to come out right by the patches of snow, Stan. They predict another 3 inches of snow tomorrow, and still the flowers are out.”

“An act of faith and guts. Do you have any idea how I hate to pee on mounds of snow? I’m told there are dogs out there who pee against cars. Ugggh! Who raised them?”

“After a winter that feels like the Ice Age, the snow is finally receding. Say hello to the land, Stanley!”

“Hello, earth. Hello, earth. Hello, earth. This is stupid. You know my favorite flowers to pee on?”

“Who cares? You made it to your 14th spring, Stanley. Or is it 15th?”

“I’m the Sage of Montague. Not the Man, not you, moi! I do pee a lot, though.”

“So tell me, Sage, how do you stay happy? I mean, you’re old, the joints creak, it hurts me to see you hopping down the stairs sometimes, you look more like a bunny than a dog.”

“The carpet on the stairs holds me.”

“You crashed in the garage yesterday, Stan, jumping down from the car.”

“The garage floor caught me.”

“And you have such a hard time when you get up from a nap, Stanley.”

“I’d be dead without area rugs.”

“You used to eat so much and now you’re not finishing your meals, dog.”

“I leave it to you and the Man to add some chicken from last night’s dinner.”

“And you’re slowing down on your outings with Leeann, Stan.”

“Luckily those dogs leave me alone, all except for Minnie, silly dachshund. She bugs me all the time, never takes no for an answer, what can you do, life’s not perfect.”

“Stanley, you need a butt lift to get into the car.”

“I have the butt and you give the lift.”

“You’re deaf when I call you, Stan.”

“A little trick I learned.”.

“You can barely see T and Gala, the horses.”

“What horses?”

“You run into things on account of your cataracts, Stanley.”

“Thank God for walls, they always reorient you.”

“Aren’t you worried about death, Stan?”

“No, there’s always somebody like you ready to worry for me.”

“Floor, walls, rugs, Minnie, invisible horses. Lots of love there, huh, Stanley?”

“Yeah, except for Minnie. Phlox.”

“What about phlox?”

“They’re my favorite flowers to pee on.”